"home"

Home...America... That elusive dreamy thing which I had been dreading...fearing even, from the onset of my journey into Africa. I got home and honestly, have felt that I left for Africa on a Tuesday and returned on a Wednesday of the same week; there is a dreamlike haze surrounding my memory already. I am so fearful that I will never go back; it tightens my stomach and makes me want to be ill. Random memories float through my sub-conscious; Kampala Road, Bwindi, Kiyandongo and Nakivali refugee settlements. I broke down and cried the other day when I got a message from Alex describing his Christmas; a broken generator, candlelight, outdoors. Heaven.

Nothing has changed here within the small confines of my life. Everyone has been doin the daily grind for so long...I mean yes, certain people's lives have changed...but as a whole my world post-Africa is exactly the same as was my pre-Africa...same people, same old same old.

Coming back hasn't been that difficult, exactly because nothing has changed. Whit peole weren't a shock, food was tough on my body, but not a shock. The million dollar homes in my area weren't a shock; neither was the grocery store. Malls were OK. Christmas was OK. Does that mean that there is something wrong with me, because it wasn't "hard"?? Does this mean something is going to slap me in the face later?? Does it mean that Africa didn't have an affect on me?

I wake up every morning and immediately calculate what time it is in Uganda...I switch prices over into Ugandan Shillings in my head. I want to go back...it is a fire that still burns within me...but it's not as easy as "I wish;" a flight to Uganda alone is USD$2,000...thats not some petty quick trip to Austria to see your ex-girlfriends former best friend (HAHA OOPS DID I JUST PUT THAT ON HERE?!?!)...

Everything is quite confusing, especially since its all jumbled about in my head. Almost all of my friends from home did not go abroad, and the ones from school that did are out galavanting in Thailand and Benin (those jerks!!), and most of the people from my study abroad group are well, too busy getting ready to go back to school to worry about lil ole me!

07.12.06

Hello all-

It’s been pretty crazy here since I have come back. I have been in the process of writing a report concerning my refugee studies which ended up being 35 pages long, 1.5 spacing (including all appendices)! So it was a lot of work.

During my absence many of the girl in my SIT group started hooking up with Ugandan pop stars. Soo my friend here is dating someone who is I would say the second most famous musician in Uganda, which makes things seem really funny, as I have now been privileged enough to see how nearly every class of society in Uganda lives, from the rural, the destitute, to the middle class and upper echelons of society. Personally I have hung out with them a few times, but I honestly can’t take going to a discotheque every night…I’m too old anymore haha.

It has been funny being one of the oldest in my group…when we talk about AIDS I can remember when they thought it was still transferred via kissing….look how far we have come now!

I had an AMAZING weekend. I went and saw the new james Bond film, Casino Royale. I premiered here Friday, and there’s a scene in Mbale Uganda!! It was really cute when the scene came on everyone in the theater cheered really loudly (including me). Friday we found a pizza joint (real live pizza!!), and had it delivered to a “bowling alley” upstairs. By bowling alley I mean a karaoke bar and about 4 lanes for bowling…but it was really exciting!. I also met a boy who graduated from Naperville Central in 2003…I probably scared the poor guy so much because I kept hugging him. He is a marine and is guarding the embassy here. I also met a guy with whom I was able to argue about the bears packers rivalry. It was a good weekend.

So now I am finished with College; no more paper writing, classes etc. I am only slightly scared to death, but it does help that I am supposed to start in mid January out in Victorville (I have settled on a position learning how to write grants in Victorville California).

It is Thursday and I am supposed to leave Uganda Tuesday. AGH! I was contemplating leaving the 19^th, and going over land from Addis Abba (Ethiopia) to Kampala via Nairobi….or taking a bus to Mombassa…or flying to Benin to see Miss Kelly Daley herself…alas it didn’t work out as my funds were simply too low. I don’t want to offend anyone, namely family members and friends…because I miss you…but I don’t really want to come home. I mean there are certainly things I miss…menus that actually have what they say they have, STEAK, seasonings, social cues that I understand etc…but in all reality I am scared to go home because I am not the same person that left, and I don’t know how to fit into the old “Sharon” role. I don’t really know how I have changed yet, as only going back to what was once normal will show me…I try and think about America…smooth roads, soo many white people…and it doesn’t seem weird, but a scene in James Bond really messed with my mind; it was a shot of Venice (which although isn’t America, is pretty similar ethnically), and it seemed odd to see so many whiteys.

As for Uganda…there is so much to say! I will never have enough time to explain things here. I am really excited at the possibility of speaking in classes, either HS or college, so for those profs and teachers who have been following me on my crazy adventures, if you (or someone you know) wants a guest lecturer and it will fit into a syllabus somewhere, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK ME. I get home the 13^th late at night, but I will be able to set up meetings after that!

Also it is nearly Christmas…WHAT?!?! I have been living in a perpetual August since well August. There are a few Christmas decorations up…but it’s not cold and I was out sunbathing on a beach yesterday (which was GLORIOUS by the way), and the idea of the 6 inches of snow we got at home late last week makes me want to sob into my pillow! Ach, who needs seasons anyways?!?

I am wrapping up my time here and I don’t know what to really do or think! So I am just going to leave you all with these thoughts for now, and go walk around Kampala and hopefully not cry!

Ciao,

Sharon