Back?

I have passed the first round of the Peace Corps bombardment and passed! I am nominated to teach English in Africa, and leave in September 2008. 27 months. Its a long time. I will be 26 when I come back. When I think about it, I get really nervous. I will miss my parents 50th birthdays. I wont have ANY savings. Literally none. I will have been single for something like 4 years. I will have to go under the auspices of the federal government. Three Christmases away from my family.

All of these things are silly and petty, I know. But they worry me honestly. But at the same time I feel a steely resolve; this is one chance I have to go back. It could be my only opportunity to go, ever again.

I went hiking with my parents in Flagstaff this weekend, and it made me miss Bwindi sooo badly, I got a really sad, lonely feeling in my stomach.

Some aspects of Peace Corps really suck. Like, really really badly.
Life is full of hard choices, and this is another one that I am just going to have to make, unless my medical exam makes it for me...

Oooh Africa!

I watched the film "The Constant Gardener" for the first time tonight. It was a great movie for the story alone...but seeing all the shots of Africa (Even though it was shot in kenya, it looks the same roughly...and even though they used the Maasai and pretended they were Sudanese...) made me miss Africa sooo badly. I get a physical hurt in my chest...I described it to nilly as being in love with a boy...only the boy is Africa. It's something that i cant really explain to someone if you haven't been there. Everything is so different, difficult, crazy, but beuatiful and wonderful. You walk away being frusterated with time inefficiencies and lack of "stuff" but the minute you stop and think...it ceases to matter.

From my far off California perspective, i scroll through my Africa pictures and sigh, and tears roll down from the corners of my eyes. I want to go back soo badly, but its not for the friends that i was there with, or things like that, because people who work in Africa are pretty transient...there for a year then somewhere else (in my opinion)...but its for those sketchy restaurants, the geckos on my bedroom wall, the cold showers under the stars and horrific toilets that i want to return.

I guess it is like Kim said; Africa is just imprinted on my soul, and I am bound to return. I just need to find a vehicle (i.e. a Job) to get me there.

I always wanted to go to Africa SOO badly...but is it better to have loved and to have lost? I guess yes, but it still hurts me so much. Its hard to look at everything in such a new and different way...